Bad news for the latest season of the new American Gladiators series: terrible ratings. While this could be due to a myriad of tangled reasons, something has to be done soon to salvage the show or NBC may pull it from the lineup. My solution? Mt. T.

Mr. T turns 56 today, and a trip to the American Gladiators set would do us all some good, I think. We'll prove to the world that T can still be physical in his old age. We'll reunite T with his one-time WrestleMania partner, Hulk Hogan, restoring both to the spotlight they deserve. And we'll reclaim Monday nights for MMA combatants and steroid users everywhere!

But why stop there? Once we've got T in our pocket, so-to-speak, we can tweak the show to take full advantage of T's talents. Combine montages of engineering, gymnastics, and detective work with extraneous explosions. Top it all off with empty threats and inspirational rapping. It's a formula that's historically proven, I tell you. "Not TV. Mr. TV."

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